Rough Two Weeks

It's been a rough two weeks. Two weeks ago, my beautiful baby got Roseola...all over...it was so sad, but she was in pretty good spirits. Then last week she got a terrible cold, runny nose, sneezing. Saturday the runny nose didn't stop, and then there was the 103.6 fever, which came back on Sunday, and stayed on until Monday...doctors appointment we went and the diagnosis was an ear infection...amoxicillin was prescribed and given...and then the rash came on Tuesday, and it became even worse today. My poor baby! Back to the doctor we went...allergic to amoxicillin.

And within these two weeks, I have had to get my classroom set up and begin school. Let me tell you, it's not easy to take off of work when you don't have your s*^t together, and I couldn't feel like a worse mom. The fact that I have to sit here and contemplate what do sucks. I hate that this morning I KNEW the right thing to do was to stay home with my baby...however, I also KNEW I NEEDED to go to school for my students. This is the hardest part about being a working mother. It's the guilt. And the guilt is the worse!!! I hate guilt.

Anniversary

To my incredible husband:

Four years ago tomorrow I married my best friend and ever since then it has been an incredible journey. In the past four years we have gone through 4 jobs, the loss of 4 grandparents and my second mother, moved from the city to the burbs, completed 1 masters degree and well underway in a 2nd, and of course had a beautiful baby. My darling husband, everyday you amaze me. You are so sweet, gentle, kind, loving and thoughtful, and not only with me or with Braedyn, but with everyone you come across. I truly don't know how I got so lucky to have found someone as incredible as you. Thank you for your love, generosity, and support. I promise to always be there for you, and just as we said on our wedding day:

"Today I love you completely, as I did yesterday and as I will tomorrow. I will be there for you when you need me most. I will hold you in my heart just as I hold you in my arms. I will share in your dreams, delight in your joys, and comfort you in your sorrows. I will be your confidant, your counsel, your friend, and your lover. When you are not within my sight, you will be within my thoughts. You are my life; you are my dreams; you are my joy; you are my love; you are my everything. At this moment you are all that I know and all that I see. As we grow old together and our love matures, may we hold on to the passion and affection for each other we feel today." Ani L'dodi, L'dodi Li. I am my beloved, my beloved is mine. I love you-Happy Anniversary!

xoxo

Not Sure What to Title This Post/Catch Up

So I have a terrible excuse for not writing on here sooner...you ready? I had forgotten my password. Yes, I know, terrible excuse! And when I really thought about what it could be, of course it came to my head. That's what I'm all about sometimes...excuses. I hate that about myself. I know I should just do something or make the phone call or make the plans or make the appointment, but I make excuses. It's terrible! Eventually if it's something I really want to do I do do it, but it's the other stuff. You know what stuff...the dentist appointment (its been a year), the getting the city sticker for my car (I moved to the burbs 2 months ago and never even had one for my car when I lived in the city), it's folding the laundry, it's all the stuff you know you HAVE to do, but just don't want to that day. Thank g-d my husband knows this about me, however, it's something he HATES about me. That's okay, I know he does and he sadly kind of just has to expect this from me.

Now let's get to the good stuff...the reason why I started this blog in the first place...Braedyn...Braedyn you are 16 1/2 months old. Where the *@#$ does time go? You are in the 90th %ile for height and 50th for weight (tall and skinny like your daddy) and you have such beautiful blue eyes, blonde hair (which is finally filling in) and fair skin (I lather you up with SPF 85). And you are funny! You still aren't walking on your own, but you will walk if you hold our hand. You say baba (milk), wawa (water), mama, dada, NO, boo (book), ca (car), papa, nigh nigh (night night), nana. And you are sweet. Anyone who comes in contact with you say two things: 1. How is it possible you (me) produced this child (those of you who know me-my one follower-can attest, this child looks nothing like me) and 2. She is sooo sweet! And you are. It's been an adventure this past year and 4 months. I can't believe how much fun I'm having with you! You are at such a fun stage now. I took you to the beach last week and you loved it and in the pool the other day and you loved that! I'm so excited because I love the water-your daddy isn't too thrilled about water so that leaves me, and this could be our thing.

Now to the sad stuff...I can't believe it's been a year since the passing of Mary. I really thought it'd get easier, but it really hasn't. There isn't a time when she pops into my head that I don't cry. It's hard for me to go to my parent's house and not want to yell, "Mary! I'm home!" And have her head pick around the corner and have her embrace me in her arms. I am so sad that she missed all these incredible milestones in Braedyn's life. The loss of someone is never easy, but I have found in this case, when it's the unexpectant loss, that's when it's more difficult to move on. And I guess move on isn't the right terminology, but it's coming to terms with. I'm just sad and I get a big blockage in my throat. For example, in the last two years between M and myself we have lost 4 grandparents-he 3, me 1, and knowing that they lived to see their grandchildren grow up and meet great-grandchildren was easier for me to understand the loss of them, than it is with Mary. I'm sorry I'm dwelling on this, but it's been on my mind.

Well, I'm hoping to write more updates, since it is summer and I will have more time...no more excuses!!

xoxo

One of the Bests...

Dear Braedyn,
Tonight was one of my most favorite nights putting you to bed. Don't get me wrong, every night I absolutely love putting you to bed. In fact it pains me to not put you to bed. But tonight after you pushed your bottle away, like you do every night when you are done with it, you sat up, looked at me and put your head on my chest. It was precious. It was incredible. My heart melted and I didn't want it to end. It is moments like that that I truly love being a mother because no one else could understand how a little thing like a baby putting their head on a mother's chest could be so incredible and breath taking. I am in awe of you. You are now starting to get up on your knees and rock back and forth and today you sat up on your own from laying down, however, I missed it, but J told me you did. And every time you hear music you rock (which is hilarious) and even funnier is when you are laying on your tummy and hear music and then your butt goes up and down, slightly innappropriately, but hilarious. I can't stop laughing when you do that.

B-I love you and think you are just incredible. Thank you for coming into my life and being as incredible as you are!!!

xoxox